The “Special One” does it again?

As you all know by now, Inter won the 2009 Scudetto for the fourth year in a row. I’m sure Inter fans are getting drunk, making a good pizza pie, and telling themselves, “yes, we deserve this!” but if you follow Serie A than you already know that the “special one” is not that special. Yes, I am a Juventus fan and I know I’m supposed to be mad because we lost, and you’re probably thinking this guy’s biased and he’s talking out of his ass, but it’s true, Mourinho did absolutely nothing. Alexi Lalas, the dumbest man in football, could have coached that team to a Scudetto.

Basura

Part I: 2008/2009

Let’s talk about the league first. This year was a very funny year for Serie A, not as funny as Calciopoli, but nevertheless, it was very odd. Roma came out to one of the worst starts it’s ever had because la diva was injured, and as a result they were in the basement of Serie A for a good number of weeks. AC Milan, football’s senior citizen camp, had a steady string of ties throughout the beginning of the season. Juventus had a number of freak injuries, over 13 players were injured throughout the season. My hats off to Juve, by the way, for managing to stay Champion’s eligible all season.

Part II: The Transfer

For all those who said, “Poulsen, Really?” I have two words for you, Quaresma Mancini. These two transfers are definitely the worst transfers of the year. Inter coughed up 18 million euros for him, Quaresma went on to play 13 games, scoring a whopping 1 goal. He is currently on loan on Chelsea’s bench. But it’s not all bad for Quaresma, don’t go feeling sorry for him, he did manage to take the Bidone d’oro (Golden Trashcan) this season.

Alessandro Faiolhe Amantino, aka Mancini, also deserves some recognition. After having a couple of good seasons with Roma, Mancini was called upon by Mourinho. Mancini went on to make 18 appearances and score another whopping 1 goal, not bad for 15 million euros.

18,000,000 + 15,000,000= 2 goals

Part III: Ghost of Calcio’s Past

The team holding up the scudetto trophy today was assembled by Roberto Mancini. After Calciopoli, Inter went through a series of come ups. Juventus got relegated to Serie B, Inter saw the opportunity and leached on. They took Juve’s leading scorer, Ibrahimovic, and turned him into their leading scorer. The most painful acquisition, however, was Patrick Viera.

(My apologies for the music)

Inter stole him for only 9.5 million, that was the handy work of Roberto Mancini. Roberto Mancini took advantage of the leagues weakness and gave Inter 3 titles, he should be given this forth one. Mourinho took over 3 time Champions, he added a group of players that did nothing except weaken Inter’s bank account. I truly believe that there should be a series of asterisks on Mourinho’s portfolio.

Part IV: History Lesson & Conclusion

For those of you who require a more academic explanation, here you go: Mourinho is equivalent to the United States during the Spanish American War, Cuba represents Inter, and the fall of Spain will represent the acquisition of the Scudetto. Cuba was winning the revolution against Spain in the late 19th century, the Cuban revolutionaries attacked potently and Spain was on the verge of collapse. Suddenly, the United States, aka “the special ones”, decided to go into Cuba (inter) and attack Spain (win the Scudetto). The United States came into Cuba with the Rough Riders (Quaresma and Mancini) and managed to drown 75 percent of their horses because of a miss calculation of the depth of the shore. The United States (the special ones) incompetently attacked Spain and in three months the war was over. When it was all said and done, the United States (Mourinho) was deemed the savior of Cuba (Inter). Do not let history repeat itself, Mourinho is no hero. Lets not praise Mourinho, for he is not that tight.